What has senior year meant to me?, I think like most students, I started high school expecting all these things, and I ended up getting something completely different.

You see, high school changes you. Be it a broken friendship, new organization, or family fiasco, no one enters the same person they were. Things happen that change who you talk to and the way you handle situations.  

And it feels good to say that I’m so happy with who I have become. When I first started out here, I was quiet, socially awkward (it was tragic, really), and insecure. Every single move I made was preceded by the thought of what others would think. I was never myself until junior year. I found myself studying so much I never even had time to think about someone other than me, and it helped teach me my most important life lesson to date: look in the mirror and first ask yourself if you’re happy with who you are before trying to please others.

I realized I didn’t want to make a lot of the decisions my peers were making, and I forced myself to accept that it was OK. It may have taken away a few experiences I could’ve had, but at the end of the day, I respect myself. I respect the friends I have made. And most importantly, I have learned to respect others’ decisions because after all, they weren’t mine.

Now looking out past the end of high school, I see my passions. My dreams. My idea of owning an apartment in New York, living the perfect city life as a successful woman in the fashion industry at the age of 28.

I see those things that set me into the future. Most of the seniors, or high schoolers in general for that matter, see their friends. The parties. A chance to enjoy college these next few years.

I envision so much more for myself at this point. I want to skip all the hard parts. The studying. The grinding. And just skip to my success.

But that’s what high school has taught me to control – my undying anxiety towards the future.

In fact, I’ve had so many firsts in my last year of high school, and I couldn’t be more grateful. So many wonderful people have entered my life and have changed those parts I was scared of changing, helped me face those parts I was scared of facing, and most importantly, showed me the intimacy I have always been too nervous of embracing.

Being vulnerable is by far my biggest fear. The thought of letting someone in, no matter the type of relationship, is the scariest thing for me. Every time I’ve found myself getting closer and closer to someone, I end up screwing something up, unintentionally, and it sucks. It sucks because it only makes me more scared to get to know the next person I meet.

But this year was different. I have made so many great friends that I know I can trust, that I know will always be there, and for me, that’s the most important part.

It’s going to be hard, far more than I would like to admit, to leave behind people who I have considered a part of me this past year, or even two. Each person added a different light to my life that will radiate forever. They have taught me to be confident in who I am, to smile no matter what the circumstance is, to always be kind because everyone has a story, to keep reaching for your goals, because when you want it the least is when you should be working the most, and that I’m capable of anything.

Thank you, Abby Gutierrez, Claire Myers, Zehra Jaffari, Jocelyn Au, Trishna Pillay, and Laney Tran for showing me these things, and for being someone that has changed me for the better.

I’ll never forget this year.

To all the future seniors, embrace it. Embrace this year life will give you because my God it will be something to remember. College will be twice as great, I bet, but the lack of real-world responsibility that will appear straight after high school will make you miss it all.